Thoughts from the Other Side 3/01/2013

So, I'm about 98% sure that no one reads this anymore (not that many people ever did), but I feel compelled to write about something that has come up a few times in the past few days. This is another topic about missions, but this time it's a little bit different. I'm not sure exactly how to articulate this subject, so maybe a story will help.

Today I got an update email from someone that I met a Pre-Field Connection (a conference with Pioneers that everyone goes through before going overseas). The email talked about how he recently needed to come back to the States to seek counseling for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which arose from an event in which he was kidnapped and almost killed. I had heard his story before, but as I read his email what struck me was the way that he talked about coming back to the States. He spoke almost apologetically, saying that Pioneers was requiring him to come back, and that he was frustrated about the whole situation. Though I am sure that Pioneers did require him to come back, it saddened me that he felt the need to justify himself. It saddened me, and it reminded me all too much of the way that I would talk when I was a missionary. 

For the first time I realized how much I felt pressure to justify my every need while I was working for Pioneers and living off of the support of my friends, family, and church. I thought back on my interactions with other missionaries before going on the field and while I was working in Peru. It was as if there was some strange unspoken standard which we all felt the need to live up to. I felt  shame about things that I had no reason to be ashamed of, and I can't count how many times I said things using that same justifying speech. I felt pressure to explain why I was only on the field for a year and a half by adding a tagline about how I planned to come back long term in the future. I spoke apologetically to supporters about legitimate needs out of fear that anything more than a shack in jungle would seem like an "unessential cost."  I even felt the need to justify having a long distance relationship by describing my fiance (who was at that time my girlfriend) as being "missions minded," or "having a heart for the unreached."

I don't think I'm alone in the way that I felt. I think there are a lot of people who are serving God while struggling through similar feelings of obligation. In the end I think it comes out of our desire to take things into our own hands. All too often when talking about missions we employ obligatory speech and romanticize things that in actuality are very difficult, instead of educating and leaving it to the Spirit to compel. We judge ourselves and others based on rigid rules that make us dull to the Spirit's whispers. How anyone can look at the ministry of Paul and think that our "time-frames" and "5 year plans" can hold that much weight is beyond me. 

In the end I think that we are in the most danger of criticism from ourselves. I pray that we would be able to drop the walls and the pretenses that surround us, and that we could give ourselves (and each other) more grace. It saddens me that my friend felt like he needed to justify seeking his basic needs, and it saddens me even more to know that there are many other missionaries in similar situations.

Perhaps all of this makes very little sense. I often have trouble putting thoughts like this into words. Even so, I hope that it was useful for some good.



If you are reading this, then you are probably the only one, haha, but I would love to hear what you think. Even if you think that I'm an absolute idiot (actually, especially if you think I'm an idiot) I would like to hear your thoughts and to share some opinions about this.

God Bless,

-Jon

March 31st- Shanquentenni

Hi Everyone,

I was talking with the Wycliffe missionaries who have been out in Tsoroja for a number of years, and they told me the story of how the Gospel first came to the Caquinte. Below is the story as best I can remember it.


A number of years ago there was a Caquinte man named Shanquentenni. He was a Shaman, and he had 7 wives. One day he was walking through the jungle and he happened upon a flower. As he looked at it's perfection it dawned on him that there must be a Creator. He thought that if there was a Creator who made the flower, that same creator must have made him, and all other people. With this realization he knew that it was wrong to kill people, and that the Creator wouldn't want him to spend all of his days drinking.


He started searching for this Creator spirit, and climbed to the top of the mountains to find him. He went to the lowest valleys, and rivers, but he could not find the Creator there either. He then took ayahuasca and had a shamanistic vision.


In his vision he was on a hill overlooking a valley. An angel came up to him and tells him to jump across the valley. Shanquentenni tells him that he can't, but the angel insists. Shanquentenni jumps and makes it the other side of the valley, only to see a larger valley. The angel tells him to jump again, and this time he immediately obeys. This happens a few more times, each valley larger than the last, until finally Shanquentenni is overlooking a valley that is impossibly big to cross. On the hill across the valley there lies a shining city. The angel turns to him and says, "You will die soon, but your children will come to learn the Inquirishi, and they will come to now the Creator through them."
Shanquentenni awakes from his vision, and tells all of his children about what he saw. Soon afterwards he dies, and three of his children go on a long journey to a Machiguenga village. when they arrive they come into contact with a Wycliffe missionary who told them that if they came to live in the village they would be able to learn about the Creator. Now the three brothers return to their home and on trail a man from the village that they just left kills the eldest brother. The youngest brother becomes very sick, which leaves the middle brother, who is only about 12 years old, to carry his younger brother home on his back. Even so, the brothers tell of what they heard, and convince there families to move to the Machiguenga village where they could learn about the Creator.


Years later the Caquinte made their own village, and got their own translators. But even before they met a single American they were told in a dream that they would learn about the Creator from the Inquirishi, which so happens to be the way that they pronounce "English" in Caquinte.

November 20th-Costly Grace

I've been thinking a lot about grace recently, and I always return to the passage from Dietrch Bonhoeffer's book The Cost of Dicipleship. The whole passage in below, but I will give a quick summary because I know that I very rarely actually read the articles that people refer me to.

Here it goes. often times we talk about grace like it is this free thing that everyone can have in whatever measure they please, but in reality it is much more than that. Grace is not just the absolution of sin, but the justification of the sinner. Grace is free to us, but it is costly because of how deeply it cost the Father. We cannot ask for God's grace on our own terms. We can't ask Him to forgive our sin, but to leave us free to be sinners. God's grace IS that He will work in us, no matter how painful it might seem to us, until we start looking more and more like our Lord Jesus.

Here is the excerpt:

Costly Grace

Cheap grace is the deadly enemy of our Church. We are fighting to-day for costly grace.

Cheap grace means grace sold on the market like cheapjacks' wares. The sacraments, the forgiveness of sin, and the consolations of religion are thrown away at cut prices. Grace is represented as the Church's inexhaustible treasury, from which she showers blessings with generous hands, without asking questions or fixing limits. Grace without price; grace without cost! The essence of grace, we suppose, is that the account has been paid in advance; and, because it has been paid, everything can be had for nothing. Since the cost was infinite, the possibilities of using and spending it are infinite. What would grace be if it were not cheap?

Cheap grace means grace as a doctrine, a principle, a system. It means forgiveness of sins proclaimed as a general truth, the love of God taught as the Christian "conception" of God. An intellectual assent to that idea is held to be of itself sufficient to secure remission of sins. The Church which holds the correct doctrine of grace has, it is supposed, ipso facto a part in that grace. In such a Church the world finds a cheap covering for its sins; no contrition is required, still less any real desire to be delivered from sin. Cheap grace therefore amounts to a denial of the living Word of God, in fact, a denial of the Incarnation of the Word of God.

Cheap grace means the justification of sin without the justification of the sinner. Grace alone does everything, they say, and so everything can remain as it was before. "All for sin could not atone." The world goes on in the same old way, and we are still sinners "even in the best life" as Luther said. Well, then, let the Christian live like the rest of the world, let him model himself on the world's standards in every sphere of life, and not presumptuously aspire to live a different life under grace from his old life under sin. That was the heresy of the enthusiasts, the Anabaptists and their kind. Let the Christian beware of rebelling against the free and boundless grace of God and desecrating it. Let him not attempt to erect a new religion of the letter by endeavoring to live a life of obedience to the commandments of Jesus Christ! The world has been justified by grace. The Christian knows that, and takes it seriously. He knows he must not strive against this indispensable grace. Therefore--let him live like the rest of the world! Of course he would like to go and do something extraordinary, and it does demand a good deal of self-restraint to refrain from the attempt and content himself with living as the world lives. Yet it is imperative for the Christian to achieve renunciation, to practice self-effacement, to distinguish his life from the life of the world. He must let grace be grace indeed, otherwise he will destroy the world's faith in the free gift of grace.

Let the Christian rest content in his worldliness and with this renunciation of any higher standard than the world. He is doing it for the sake of the world rather than for the sake of grace. Let him be comforted and rest assured in his possession of this grace--for grace alone does everything. Instead of following Christ, let the Christian enjoy the consolations of his grace! That is what we mean by cheap grace, the grace which amounts to the justification of sin without the justification of the repentant sinner who departs from sin and from whom sin departs. Cheap grace is not the kind of forgiveness of sin which frees us from the toils of sin. Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves.

Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession, absolution without personal confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.

Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will gladly go and sell all that he has. It is the pearl of great price to buy which the merchant will sell all his goods. It is the kingly rule of Christ, for whose sake a man will pluck out the eye which causes him to stumble, it is the call of Jesus Christ at which the disciple leaves his nets and follows him.

Costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which a man must knock.

Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner. Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son: "ye were bought at a price," and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us. Above all, it is grace because God did not reckon his Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered him up for us. Costly grace is the Incarnation of God.

Costly grace is the sanctuary of God; it has to be protected from the world, and not thrown to the dogs. It is therefore the living word, the Word of God, which he speaks as it pleases him. Costly grace confronts us as a gracious call to follow Jesus, it comes as a world of forgiveness to the broken spirit and the contrite heart. Grace is costly because it compels a man to submit to the yoke of Christ and follow him; it is grace because Jesus says: "My yoke is easy and my burden is light."

October 3rd- Jungle

Hello everyone. I have now been living in Tsoroja for about a week, and life is good. My days tend to vary a lot. Some days I spend the whole time visiting with people and playing guitar, other days I clear jungle paths with a machete, and I am starting to do language lessons today. It's a hard language, but it's becoming more clear (ex. the word for sun is "catsirincaiteri").

The photos are from when my teammate Dan and I walked on a jungle path for about an hour and a half to meet up with someone.

-Jon

September 25th- Photos of My Last Few Days in Arequipa

My Spanish Teacher Juan-Carlos

Walking with Pedro and Alfredo

August 31st- Do Not Let Your Heart Be Troubled

How often do we read Jesus say, "Do not let your hearts be troubled," and think of it as optional? Though this statement is both an invitation, and a comfort, it is also a command. So many times it's easy to talk to Jesus and tell him, "But you don't understand. How cant I worry about this?" He does understand. More than we could ever imagine. We need to remember that this same man that tell us not to trouble is the man who wrestled with such conflict that he sweat blood.

In reality there are two kinds of peace. The counterfeit peace that comes from ignorance, and the true peace that only comes from Christ. The counterfeit peace comes in a lot of forms. It might come from friends, money, success, or simply from ignoring the things that disrupt our peace. I am in no way suggesting that friends, money, or success are inherently bad in any way, but they are things that can distract us from reaching out to obtain the true peace of Christ. The difference between the two types of peace is that the peace of Christ can never be taken away by circumstance, while counterfeit peace depends on circumstance.

That is why Christ says the man who hears his words and puts them into practice builds his house on the stone and can endure the storms of life. God will continue to bring storms into our lives to show us how counterfeit our peace is, and he will continue to blow our houses down until we finally decide to build on the rock. But take heart, and remember that these trials are for our own good, and they come from his desire that we know him better, so that in the end, our testimony is not choked out by the troubles of this world (Matt 13:3-23).

So brothers and sisters, remember: Do not let your hearts be troubled.

-Jon

August 15th- Come Thou Fount

Hey Everyone!

So I've been working on a version of Come Thou Fount on the guitar, and I want to share it with you all. I'm using a banjo style tuning and a capo on the 5th. Enjoy!